Online therapy for people-pleasing in New York

Rediscover yourself and feel connected.

You wish you could say “no.” But the thought of disappointing people feels like more than you can handle.

You keep agreeing to take things on because you don’t want to let other people down. When you finally let yourself say “no,” you can’t stop thinking about how upset that person must be with you. Your guilt takes over, so it just feels easier to keep saying “yes.” You show up for everyone around you… except yourself.

You’re worried if you ask for what you really want you’ll lose the people you care about, or that it’ll make you a selfish person. It feels safer not to take that risk.

You’re empathetic and caring, but these skills can be a lot tougher to use on yourself.

You’ve been giving to others for so long and taking on more than you’d really like to. You’re a compassionate person, but you’ve been noticing yourself feeling frustrated and maybe even a little resentful. You do your best to ignore these feelings and may even beat yourself up for having them.

You’re used to supporting and empathizing with the people around you, but when you’re upset you don’t give yourself the same compassion or care you give them.

You’ve found yourself living a life that isn’t quite aligned with your most authentic self.

Maybe you’ve even lost track of who your most authentic self is. You’re used to asking others what they want—or maybe assuming what they want or need—and often suppressing your own feelings in the process. It’s all too easy to lose ourselves in the people around us.

Part of you knows that people-pleasing is keeping you stuck, and maybe doing more harm than good. But you’ve been doing it for so long that it’s hard to imagine the alternative.

Get support in taking better care of you with therapy for people-pleasing in New York.

You don’t have to keep feeling stuck in people-pleasing tendencies. And despite how it might feel, just because you can doesn’t mean you have to do it alone.

Through working together, we can get clarity on what you need and value, then learn to set boundaries that feel healthy and aligned with those values. I can help you learn how to create balance in your relationships and how to turn your empathy inwards, so you can truly begin living your most authentic life.

Common Signs of People-Pleasing

  • You find yourself saying yes to (almost) every plan that comes your way. When someone asks for a favor, it feels easier to agree than to risk disappointing them. This can leave you feeling stretched thin and overwhelmed.

  • When you finally muster the courage to say "no," a wave of guilt crashes over you. You replay the conversation in your head, worrying about how the other person might feel. You might even second-guess your decision, wondering if you should have just gone along with it.

  • You tend to steer clear of difficult conversations, even if it means sacrificing your own needs. The thought of conflict makes your stomach turn or your chest feel tight, so you often choose to keep the peace, even when it’s at your own expense. This avoidance can create tension in relationships and leave you feeling unheard.

  • You find yourself saying “I’m sorry” far too often, even when it’s not necessary. Whether you want to share your opinion or someone bumps into you, the urge to apologize is strong. This habit can undermine your confidence and make you feel less worthy of respect.

  • You catch yourself overthinking every interaction, wondering how people view you. You might spend way too much time analyzing your words or actions, fearing that one slip could change their opinion of you. This constant concern can be exhausting and prevent you from being your authentic self.

  • When it comes to expressing your needs, you hesitate. You might think, “What if they say no?” or “I don’t want to burden anyone.” This reluctance can leave you feeling isolated, as you miss out on the support and connection that comes from being open with others.

  • You often find yourself hesitating to share your thoughts or feelings because you're terrified of being misunderstood or dismissed. Whether it's a new idea at work or opening up to a friend, the fear of rejection feels overwhelming, making you hold back even when you really want to express yourself.

  • When faced with choices, big or small, you often feel paralyzed. You worry about making the “wrong” choice or disappointing someone, leading to endless deliberation and second-guessing. This indecision can keep you stuck and frustrated, as you miss out on opportunities while you weigh the pros and cons.

  • You frequently compare yourself to others, convincing yourself that you fall short in some way. This feeling of inadequacy can creep into various aspects of your life, making it hard to celebrate your successes or feel satisfied with who you are.

  • You tend to absorb other people’s emotions, feeling as if it’s your job to make everyone happy. When someone is upset, you might blame yourself or go out of your way to fix their problems, even if it’s not your responsibility. This can lead to emotional exhaustion and a sense of burden.

  • Your calendar is packed with commitments, and you often find yourself juggling multiple responsibilities. Whether it’s work projects, social events, or family obligations, it's tough to keep up, leading to stress and burnout. You might feel like you’re on a hamster wheel, always running but never catching a break.

  • You often put others’ needs before your own, leading to a neglect of self-care. When you do carve out time for yourself, you feel a wave of guilt, making it hard to fully relax or enjoy your own company. This can leave you feeling depleted and in need of a recharge.

  • You pour so much energy into supporting those around you that you often find yourself drained. Whether it’s family, friends, or colleagues, your desire to help can lead to burnout, leaving you feeling like you’re running on empty and in desperate need of a break.

  • Over time, you might start to feel a simmering resentment towards those you care for. This often happens when you feel taken for granted or when your own needs are consistently overlooked. It’s a sign that your kindness is being stretched too thin, and it’s essential to address these feelings before they fester.

  • You struggle to define who you really are or what you genuinely want out of life. This uncertainty can leave you feeling lost, as you adapt to what others expect of you instead of exploring your own values and passions. It’s like being on a journey without a map, unsure of your destination.

If you’re tired of ignoring your needs in service of others, let’s talk.